2010 Academy Awards: In Review

I feel Fantastic Mr. Fox was robbed. I enjoyed it much more than Up. And what was up with having one of the Monstars accept the Oscar?

And I'm not even going to lie, my friend Brian and I definitely rocked this all day when we used to play ball in his driveway.

Sadly, we are no longer friends. The Monstars' loss had nothing to do with that though.

Won't somebody please think of the children!?

The other night I was at my local public library for the first time in probably 10 years. Now I've been in a library in the last decade, just not this one. And instead of describing the minutiae of my visit, I'm going to let this photo sum it up:

This is why I love living in Massachusetts. In other states, people were losing their minds that a movie poster had the word 'porno' in it. My local library has a copy on Blu-Ray (very high tech) that you can borrow for a buck a week.

*I modified the library name because I don't want to give anyone with an agenda some ammo. In fact, I'm sick of all these people who use protecting the children as their excuse to push their social agendas (Maine's voting down of gay marriage) and attempt to limit free speech. How about instead of trampling all over everyone's rights, why don't you be a responsible parent and educate your children about the real world out there that contains scary things like atheists, homosexuals, liberals, and S-E-X? They're going to learn about it sooner or later. So to borrow one of your favorite phrases...

Steven Seagal: media terrorist?

From Friday's LA Times:

Not long ago, Steven Seagal was one of the best-paid action stars in Hollywood. The martial arts master played crime-busting anti-heroes in films that generated more than $1 billion in ticket and DVD sales during the 1990s.

Now he appears in low-budget productions that go straight to video.

Seagal says he knows why: Five years ago, he was implicated in a plot to frighten two journalists out of writing unflattering stories about him and his former business partner.

An FBI affidavit detailed allegations that Seagal hired private eye Anthony Pellicano to terrorize one of the reporters, a freelancer working for the Los Angeles Times.

The investigation soon changed course, focusing on allegations that Pellicano spied on celebrities and other members of the Hollywood elite. The onetime detective-to-the-stars is in federal prison, awaiting trial on wire-tapping and other charges.

Seagal and the alleged plot to intimidate journalists became a footnote. The actor was never charged, and federal authorities have privately told reporters they have no persuasive evidence against him. But the FBI has never publicly cleared him.

Seagal said the publicity has been devastating to his career. He wants an apology.

"False FBI accusations fueled thousands of articles saying that I terrorize journalists and associate with the Mafia," Seagal, 56, said recently in his first public comments on the case. "These kinds of inflammatory allegations scare studio heads and independent producers -- and kill careers."

Riiiiight... it was the FBI that killed Steven Seagal's career, not the fact that no one wants to see a movie starring an emotionless, overweight, senior citizen take on the People Liberation Army, or whatever Asian military power that's in vogue at the moment. And don't give me any shit about Stallone playing Rambo again, at least the man has emotion. Have you seen the trailer for John Rambo?

Everyone and their great-grandmother has seen the Chuck Norris facts by now. Well I bet you didn't know that there are some Steven Seagal facts. I was able to dig them up from the deepest, darkest corner of the internet and present them to you now.

Fact: Steven Seagal sucks.

Actually, that's all I was able to find. Luckily here is an additional fact that I was able to come up with.

Fact: Of the 32 acting credits that Steven Seagal has on IMDB, 10 of the characters are named John, or a variation of it including Jack and Jonathan.

So just by name alone he is pretty much playing the same character a third of the time. I can't really tell you if he's actually playing the same character, because I never saw a second Steven Seagal movie (I missed Under Siege 2: Railway Boogaloo). But from my only movie experience and seeing various media appearances, I have a pretty good idea that the only character he can play with any skill is Steven Seagal.

Fact: denim isn't just for tuxedos anymore

"...'cause it's Friday, you ain't got no job, and you ain't got shit to do."

Attention: persons looking for quotes to the movie Friday. I've noticed that every Friday the traffic to my blog spikes due to people searching for the quote that is the title of this post. This post is pretty terrible, so lets move on. Do the topics of playing retarded kids in softball or Justin Timberlake's racist secret interest you? Then how about reading some of my more recent posts? I promise they are much better than this one. If you still think that they suck then this is probably what you are looking for. Thanks for increasing my traffic fuckers.

For my first post, I will analyze the quote that I've selected as the title. I know that doesn't seem very interesting, but I will attempt to make it so, because I'm a giver.

Nerd Alert!

I have selected a very misleading title for my first post as it is only 33% accurate (maybe even 25%, but I will get to that later (and by later I mean in a couple of sentences because I am not a strong writer)). Today is Friday, that is a fact, so it checks out. Now this is where I run into problems. I am writing this while at work, strike one. I am a 25 year old male living in an urban area with an active social life; so even if I didn't have I have plans for the evening, I could come up with something pretty easily, strike two.

Now the wild card. Those familiar with this quote know that it begins with "I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today...", which may infer that I enjoy to get high ...or does it?

It all depends on how you define high. If you interpret it as it is presented in the quote then it clearly represents the intended effects of smoking marijuana, case closed (unless you have glaucoma or some terminal illness). Personally, I do not smoke anything, so that would be strike three. However playing devil's advocate, as I love to do so very often, what if high meant something else? I'm not talking about elevation, velocity, forcibly thrusting your hand into that of another person above your heads thus making a loud sound, or even the tide. I'm speaking of a cultural interpretation of the word.

*Notice* This is a very weak argument, but I came up with it a couple hours ago when I started writing this thing, so you're going to have to deal with it, sorry.

-the management

Strike three?

One of my friends is from the Caribbean and uses the term high to describe the effects of being intoxicated by alcohol. Now you are probably thinking, "Hey asshole, you just waisted two minutes of my life to come up with that gem? Fucked up is fucked up whether it be by narcotics or alcohol." Well as management warned you above, the argument became weaker the more I wrote, so piss off. I don't need to finish my point because you can see where I'm heading.

Time to wrap this shit show up. Now why would I pick a quote that is for the most part irrelevant toward my situation? Because I couldn't come up with anything better today and I felt like starting a blog. And I didn't see the news about the pope potentially allowing unbaptized babies to go to heaven until now. What a sweetheart.