Monday, June 25, 2007

Two quick things

I love cover bands.

Let me be more specific, I love good cover bands.

I don't know many people that will admit to that, especially if they are into the indie music scene, but I obviously don't care. I usually have a blast when a good cover band is playing.

I have three requirements that designate a good cover band: musical ability, song catalog, and song selection. I considered adding "low creepyness factor" to the list, but the other three can totally absolve a band of skeezy 50 year old dudes trying to pick up 20 year old girls if they wail and make me shake my ass for a couple hours.

All three requirements are extremely important, but out of the three I believe song selection is most clutch. And to be a little more clear, I'm not specifically talking about a set list. I don't think a cover band should work exclusively off a set list, they need to be able to read the crowd and play to it. Which leads me in to a most important topic.

Cover bands need to know the proper time to play Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'," as it can make or break their set. After years of research (seeing a bunch of cover bands at bars and clubs over the years) I believe there are two acceptable points for it to be played: near the beginning of the set to get a bored crowd fired up, or as I prefer, as the band is wrapping up their final set for the evening. No matter the size of the venue, every crowd goes batshit crazy when they hear the immediately recognizable intro.

Why do guys have to wait three days to call a girl when they get a number?

I forget the specifics, and because this is a rant I don't feel like looking them up, but why is this a rule? Does it seem like we're super desperate if we call the next day and just regular desperate the day after? I don't know if this is a guy rule or a girl rule but it has become antiquated in the current "always plugged in/mobile everything/IM/Blackberry" era. I think one day is acceptable as a sign of respect and reflection for both parties.

So from the two blogged about topics, you can probably surmise that I had a bang-up Saturday night. And yes, I'm going to call her tonight.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Shower Science

I think I come up with a lot of good ideas while I'm showering in the morning. However, I usually forget them almost immediately, so they're probably not that good. I remembered this one when I got to work so I fleshed out the rest of the details.

Here's the easiest way to tell if a guy under 30 is single. Does he have a beard? If so then he's probably single. And I'm not talking about stylized facial hair like goatees and soul patches, I'm talking about real beards, Grizzly Adams type shit. Using my quick and dirty scientific method: coming up with an idea (see 1st paragraph) and guesstimating a percentage (see continuation of sentence), I would say it is 80% accurate.

Here's my reasoning. It is my experience that women in their 20's like guys clean shaven.

Simple as that.

There are a couple of variables that could degrade my 80% figure, but I tried to factor them into the original guesstimation.

Black guys - pretty much anything they do with their hair turns out cool, facial or otherwise. I'll give them a free pass on the 90's because I still think shaved in dollar signs are rad.


Not rad.

Guys in bands - chicks usually dig guys in bands regardless of appearance. How else would Gene Simmons* have nailed all of those groupies?


*I know Gene Simmons didn't sport a beard in Kiss, he's just ugly.

Hippies - What's the third thing you think of after drugs and smelly? Scraggly looking beards. I'm pretty sure in the unwritten code of the hippie it's a requirement, or they confiscate all of your tie dyed goods.

The Amish - I don't really know anything about them except for all the stereotypical stuff that I've learned though the entertainment industry. So I know that they farm, don't use electricity, have beards, and bowl 15 frames instead of the normal 10.


We don't have a cow. We have a bull.

If any ladies in their 20's want to verify or dispute my theory, please leave a comment.

If any guys in their 20's with beards want to verify or dispute my theory, please leave a comment.

If any ladies with beards in their 20's want to verify or dispute my theory, please leave a comment, but I don't think you are reading this because I heard that the traveling carnival doesn't have a dependable internet connection. It's hard to find a good WiFi signal out in the sticks.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Great Success!

Due to the overwhelming success of this blog, and by overwhelming I mean that one other person that I know of has read this (thanks for the comments), I will try to post more often. I have already come up with many topics that I want to write about, I just haven't been putting my fingers to the keyboard. So far 95% of the stuff I have written about has been on the fly so I'll try to develop some of these ideas and hopefully be entertaining as I know people don't want to read about my day to day life, because that shit is boring and I don't want to write about it, so I will keep it to a minimum.

Now back to the first sentence. In fact this success had convinced me to start a second blog (to compliment the staggering 1.6 posts per month average I'm currently banging out). I came up with that brilliant idea, including the title and url, while driving home from the supermarket recently. My dedication to the craft of writing allowed me to sit on the idea for a couple days before actually checking that I could proceed as planned. Much to my disappointment, it was already taken, url and title, exactly as I had planned. Good show, ya dirty bastard. What would I have posted about? I have no idea, but I like the idea that few people would have gotten the joke. For those of you out of the loop, check this out.



And sorry for the Borat quote, I needed a title and that was the first thing that popped into my head that related to what I was posting about.

I'm a little pissed that I missed the Voxtrox show last night. I've got the album on heavy rotation in my office (I'm listening to it right now in fact), and really wanted to check them out live. I guess I should have manned up and quit being sick for a couple hours. You should check them out, despite indie bloggers being disappointed with the album, but you can't impress that bunch unless your name is James Murphy.

And finally, congratulations to all the married gay and lesbian couples whose marriage will stay legal in Massachusetts. Now if only the rest of the country would get their heads out of their asses and quit voting discrimination into law. It is so hard for me to understand how so many people in the world can still be so ignorant, especially the people who use religion to promote intolerance. Now where else have I seen that recently? And yeah, I just went there.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

A bunch of small stuff that I've wanted to touch on, but didn't have the time until I was stuck at O'Hare for 8+ hours on Friday (into Saturday).

I was in Chicagoland for business last week and here are my thoughts about the area.

The City - Didn't get to spend much time checking it out, but liked what I saw.

Wrigley Field - Wrigley had a familiar feeling to me coming from Boston, and 7th row tickets for $45 less than 24 hours before a game is a foreign, but awesome concept to me. I'm not even going to go off on how I was the only person in my section, a field box mind you, until 15 minutes before the first pitch. That shit just isn't right.

The Suburbs - flat, industrialized, boring. Where the hell are the trees?

The Radio - Are you fucking serious? Last time I checked the calendar it isn't 1982 anymore. The scary new MTV isn't going to make you obsolete if you don't have a gimmick. I swear that every DJ I heard had some sort of wacky angle, not necessarily the "shock jock" angle, but just being generally annoying. Shit, it's so bad that the stations even have billboards with pictures of the DJs on the highways. I'm 99% sure that radio stations up here decided not to waste their advertising dollars on pictures of their on-air talent since the internet became prevalent in the late 90s. And if I want ruin the fantasy of the lady DJ with the sultry voice turning out to be a 300 lb. gorilla, then I'll do it on my own time, I know the risks.

The Drivers - sorry, but you can't drive. I was blowing by people on I-294 by going 65, I kept looking at my speedometer because I assumed I was going 85. I know Boston drivers got ranked 3rd worst in the country this year behind Miami and NYC, but that was for cool categories, like speed and aggression. I'm actually going to jump to the conclusion that your passive-aggressive driving is directly related to your awful radio.


Quit being pussies and get a portable music player

Did you notice that I didn't say "get an iPod" for that caption. Quit being sheep and get something other than an iPod, there are a ton of other awesome products out there that work just as well if not better. I reached my boiling point about the iPod when one of my friends saw my music player and said, "Why don't you have an iPod? You always have to be different don't you?" What the fuck is wrong with being different? Didn't Apple's advertising slogan used to be "Think Different"? I guess that shit went away when the iPod took 70% market share of the portible music player market.

The Heroes season finale was like my trip to Las Vegas, somewhat underwhelming.

I felt that it was a letdown after all the hype all season. As my roommate so eloquently put it, it lacked a "Holy Shit!" moment, such as the "Holy Shit!" moment at the end of The Departed (which that fucker ruined for me because he told me that there was a "Holy Shit!" moment at the end of the movie, which if you haven't seen, I have now ruined for you.) I got the same feeling from Las Vegas. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time, but nothing happened that blew my mind, and I was in town the weekend of the De La Hoya/Mayweather Jr. fight. A visit to The Gun Store helped to reinforce the theory idea that playing first-person shooter games actually promotes your marksmanship. I played Quake and Goldeneye like everyone else and I was surprisingly accurate for never firing a real gun before. Bottom line: if you are going to Las Vegas to gamble and have been to a casino before, then Las Vegas is nothing special. It's the same stuff, just spread out in the desert.


Holy Shit!

I love music and planned to make this another music blog, but since I'm not that good of a writer and cannot easily convey my thoughts the way that I want to (like an indie music snob), I decided not to limit my mediocre abilities to that of the music world (even I think that is a terrible intro to start yammering about music).

Amy Winehouse - Her album is good, but she's already overexposed. I was thinking of putting up a picture of her with some cheesey caption like, "I may need to go to rehab for my Winehouse addiction", but that is so below me, and I'm only addicted to the Muppet Babies.

And I'm also addicted to boobies!

Arcade Fire - there seems to be only two camps on the topic of this band: they're the greatest band ever, or meh. Personally, I think they are excellent musicians and I enjoy their music very much, despite some members allegedly being basketball thieves [the blog was deleted so I edited the link to point to gvb's story on it], so I just lied about there being only two camps. I saw them a couple weeks ago and the show was quite excellent despite being held in the super shitty Orpheum Theatre. And I know bands usually have some sort of style to differentiate themselves aesthetically, but did Arcade Fire run out of ideas, or are they just big fans of The Sound of Music? I swear that they sometimes dress like older members of the von Trapp family singers.

The hills are alive with the sound of Arcade Fire

CSS - Saw them Saturday and all I will say is that the show was bananas. This show combined with my airport fun on Friday already has me in the hole this week, so I'm done for now.