Thursday, March 27, 2008

I Guess I Guess

Monday night I attended the Sons and Daughters/Bodies of Water show at the Middle East downstairs. Bodies of Water put out one of my favorite albums last year so I've been jonesing to see them live. I'm hoping that it was either the day after Easter thing or a Monday night thing because the turnout was pretty weak. I would guesstimate that there were 125 people at most at the show. I've literally seen more people at basement shows back in the day in a place a fraction of the size. That's just depressing so I'm going to move on.

Bodies of Water kept having problems with the mix. It literally took half of their set for the soundboard jackass technician to get it decent. If you haven't heard them before they harmonize a lot. All four of them. And it's awesome. What's not awesome is not hearing the vocals and hearing crazy loud bass. I'm not saying that I don't like bass. Hell, I love me some bass. Did you see Randy Jackson jammin' out during Paula Abdul's Super Bowl pre-game performance? Bad. Mother. Fucker. But I don't like being overwhelmed with bass when the harmonies are such vital parts of the songs. The low turnout and the poor mix definitely took the band out of the performance a bit. They actually asked the audience for any requests at one point. I've only seen cover bands do that before. A bit disheartening. Despite all that, I still think they were excellent. I don't remember the setlist because I don't think they had one, but they played my favorites and a couple new songs, which were also excellent. All and all, they weren't really trying and still put on a better performance than many bands I've seen in the past. Please see them if they come to your town. You shant regret it.

And they're tearing around the country in a 90's camper. Tour bus? Too gaudy. Tour van? Boring. Tour camper? Yup! And you can even take a pit stop in the mountains for a few days if you want. That's exactly what I would do if I had any musical ability, talent, and there were people who wanted to see me perform live. And how do I know that the camper was theirs? Because I asked.

After Sons and Daughters' set I stopped by the Bodies of Water merch table to purchase some wares. I scooped up their album and a t-shirt. Now I had the BoW album for quite some time now, but I hadn't owned it legally. I know that's wrong, but I could never find it in any of my local music stores (and I'm not talking about Wal*Mart or Best Buy). I could have ordered it over the internet, but I don't trust the internet. I heard from my church group that there's sex perverts on the internet. Sex perverts? Yes. Sex perverts. I can't in good faith do business with anything that associates itself with sex perverts. Sorry internet. So I bought it in person, which the band actually gets a bigger cut of (I hope). Conscience clean. I don't really own or wear band t-shirts because that's so nineteen 80's (in retrospect I think that "style" actually started in the 70's, but that takes away from my point, so work with me). Now I love the 80's in the same ironic fashion as much as the next 20-something year old, but that's retarded 80's, like the shit Bon Jovi wore during the Living on a Prayer video. Nothing in that video will ever be cool again. Ever. So even to my surprise I saw a t-shirt that caught my eye which I wanted to exchange legal tender for. Much to my dismay they didn't have any men's mediums (jealous?). So David, the male lead vocalist/guitarist, who was working the merch table offered to run out to the camper to grab me one. How rad is that? Most merch peddlers would tell you you're SOL if they didn't have your size. Instead one of the key members of the band dashes off into the night risking life and limb to get me a $10 t-shirt. Awesome. While he was away I was talking to their friend who was also working the table. I don't remember the kid's name, but I do remember he was 19 and was going to school in Boston. Which conveniently leads into my exclusive interview with David from Bodies of Water. Why does it conveniently lead into my exclusive interview with David? Because I also don't remember most of our conversation because I was way drunker than I thought I was.

Here's how the conversation interview went, and I'm not going to quote anything because again I was somewhat drunk and didn't record anything, take notes, or even ask permission for an interview (please don't sue). I also can't guarantee the order is correct so I put it in the most logical order. Here's what I remember:

Me: You guys were awesome.
David: Thanks, I thought we had an off night.
Me: Well I still thought you were awesome.

Me: Are you guys touring in that sweet 70's camper that I saw parked out back?
David: It's actually from the 90's, and yes we are.
Me: I knew it. That's so rad.

Me: Can I get that t-shirt in medium? [points to t-shirt]
David: We don't have any, but I can run out to the camper and get you one.
Me: Please do good sir (may have classed up my answer, then again maybe not as it sounds like something I would say while drunk).

[David takes off like the Roadrunner, leaving a cloud of dust in his likeness behind]

Me: So what's your deal? Are you on tour with the band?
19: I'm friends with the band. I go to school in Boston.
Me: That's cool. Is this their first time out here?
19: No, they were here in October.
Me: I think you're a liar because I didn't hear about the show (I'm quite sure I said that).

[David returns with the quickness]

David: Here's your shirt.
Me: Sweet.
GF: I can't believe you bought that.

Then we talked for another five or ten minutes before security made us leave. Wow, that interview was pretty much a recap of everything I already talked about. I thought I remembered more, I guess not. Now to further recap: I like Bodies of Water. David from Bodies of Water is a stand-up human being. Their friend goes to school in Boston. Oh yeah, Sons and Daughters were also very good. They also have a great album and you should give it a listen. And their female lead singer wears purple sequined hot pants, which may interest some of you sex perverts.

Worth $10 and risking life and limb? You betcha.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Obligatory Easter post

Sorry, I'm not talking about March Madness (and my bracket is doing shitty, so I won't be talking about it either, fucking college kids who can't perform under pressure). So Easter is this coming Sunday. La de fuckin' da! Way to ruin my weekend Christians. It was supposed to be the final week of our bowling season, but everyone has to spend time in church or with their families. Losers. Despite the brief 'woe is me' complaining and religion bashing there is a positive. Nestlé Crunch Nest Eggs are back in Full Force, Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam style. Sweet tap dancing Christ! To me, these little bastards are like crack is to a heroin addict. Actually I should have went with crack addict, but I don't feel like using the backspace key today. Oaklfuaidlsausnfl!11!!!11 See, no backspace. Anyway, thank god Jesus was killed so I can enjoy Crunch Eggs every year. Way to take one for the team guy!

I think that's enough blasphemy for one day. Happy Easter, or enjoy Sunday Jews, Muslims, Atheists, Buddhists, etc...

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

It wasn't a rock...

While perusing my e-mail last week I saw in the weekly Live Nation e-mail that the B-52's were coming to town next month. I've never seen the B-52's and figured that would be a pretty fun show to attend, especially in a club setting. That was a few days ago. I now realize that it wasn't my best idea. Let me come out and say that Rock Lobster is one of my favorite songs of all time. Seriously. I don't know why, but it's awesome. And if you disagree then let me impart a little knowledge on you, it is number 146 on Rolling Stone's 500 greatest songs of all time. So fuck you hater (it pains me to use that word). And I know Rolling Stone doesn't mean shit to my generation, but that's still better than some indie music blog ironically saying that it's cool to like it. Fucking hipsters. Me saying that could also be considered ironic, but I like to think a far more accurate statement would be that hipsters like to dress in the same manner that I occasionally dress.

So I ran the idea by my girlfriend Sunday and she gave me the are you sure because that sounds pretty gay look. You know that look right? Am I the only one? When that gay guy said he liked my cardigan while I was holding the door open for several people leaving a restaurant while in Hartford on Saturday night, he was only complementing my choice of wardrobe and not really thinking I want to do things to this white boy that would make a Catholic priest jealous, wasn't he? This hasn't happened to anyone? Hmmmm...

So anyway, lesson learned:

B-52's live = gay, even if you see them with your girlfriend.

Friday, March 14, 2008

My friends are the shit

I'm really busy at work and in life right now so I've had to neglect my writings. Sorry. Luckily for you I was sent this e-mail today by a friend who I'm going to keep anonymous for his sake. What you read below is exactly what was contained in the e-mail. The very few grammatical errors are his. Hope you like poop jokes.

Alright, let me preface this by saying that this little chestnut is going to be pretty gross and damning in some ways, but you're a guy so you can relate without being completely grossed out. Here's the deal:

Yesterday I was on a 2-hour conference call (there should be a time-limit on how long you can schedule conference calls), and about an hour into it I started to feel a little rumbly in my tumbly. These were not hunger pains either. Something evil had taken over my digestive system, and it desperately wanted out. Initially, it revealed itself in the form of toxic gas and therefore punished all those around me. Of course, I didn't take any responsibility for what was happening. I would also like to note that you know it's bad when your own brand grosses you out. The monster slowly started to move its way down my intestinal tract until it was standing on the doorstep of freedom. What could I do? I'm on a call with clients. Then this terrifying thought entered my mind, "I may actually shit my pants." Now, I've said jokingly "I almost shit my pants" or "I'm going to shit myself" a thousand times. This time though, I actually had to entertain the idea that it could really happen. I might actually shit my pants if I don't get to a bathroom STAT. I haven't been that scared in years. I sat there for a good 20 minutes with my legs and ass clenched as tight as they could be, but the beast had been processed and was ready for its release. Luckily, there was break while one of my co-workers reviewed a set of slides and I knew this was my only opening. I said, "I just need to step away for a few minutes. I apologize." And then I speed-walked, still with my ass clenched, to the mens room and released the hounds of hell. It was literally the best, and worst, feeling I've had in a while. I came back to the call 10 minutes later, and no one was the wiser.

Afterwards I kept thinking, "What would I have done if I shit my pants? How do I get out of the building without anyone noticing what's happened?" Also, there's no email template for leaving early because you shit yourself. Thank God I made to the stall. If the stall was taken, I think I would have shit in the urinal. That's not a joke.

Now you probably don't need to know any of this, but I wanted to share this moment of terror with someone. Enjoy, and God bless.