Five things that I think are awful today

1. New York City - when a whole city is as pretentious as I am, I cannot be a fan.
   
2. American Idol - if you are a fan of music, do I even have to justify this with any reasoning?
   
3. Precipitation - rain, snow, sleet, hail, and equestrian racing.
   
4. Anna Nicole Smith posthumous press coverage - actually include pre-posthumous press coverage as well. Why was she famous again?
   
5. Phlegm that I cough up that doesn't quite make it out the back of my throat - nasty.
   

...and one thing that is awesome

1. Jewfros - I saw a pair on the T last night and it reinforced how much I respect the young Hebrew community for fighting the man. "Take that Uncle Morty!"
   

I know this may come as a surprise to you bigots, but not all comedians are Jewish

Mission Accomplished?

Considering that this is my second post, you don't know anything about me, and for the most part I plan on keeping it that way. However you will see some biases in my writing, as my raging liberalism will shine through at times. Luckily, I don't always have the time to fire off a rant whenever I get heated, because that shit usually isn't very interesting anyway. That said, I don't feel like slamming the President today. Maybe (definitely) another day.

Fooled You!

Last Friday, the cleaning gentleman in my office wanted to ask me something, so naturally he started with "my friend," which is awesome. I don't know the extent of his skill using the English language, but he clearly prefers to use Spanish, as he asked me if I speak it, which I don't. By using simple English words, gesturing, and some pointing, I was able to assist him with his question. Now that the back story is filled in I can arrive to my point. Do they teach the phrase "my friend" when you apply for a work visa? Pretty much every immigrant worker that I've ever interacted with has used "my friend" on me, and I love it. And the best part is that it is universally used by all nationalities and cultures, with the occasional exception of some Greek workers calling me "boss," which is even more awesome. Some people could see that as being condescending, those people need to lighten up and get the stick out of their ass. I could now easily transition this into a pro-immigration post, but I don't feel like that either.

So, how many of you would say you speak English fairly well, but with some difficulty?

So why am I so generous to give a Presidential pardon and not subject you to my political opinions? Because I am in too good of a mood today. I'm going to Vegas tomorrow and don't feel like getting all deep today. And I wanted to show off my crazy Photoshop skills (see 1st image).

"Wait, George Bush wasn't wearing a Dark Helmet helmet during his Mission Accomplished speech/photo op?"

It's true reader that doesn't exist because I have not advertised this blog anywhere, I am just that good at manipulating AP photos and grainy screen captures while I'm eating lunch.

"...'cause it's Friday, you ain't got no job, and you ain't got shit to do."

Attention: persons looking for quotes to the movie Friday. I've noticed that every Friday the traffic to my blog spikes due to people searching for the quote that is the title of this post. This post is pretty terrible, so lets move on. Do the topics of playing retarded kids in softball or Justin Timberlake's racist secret interest you? Then how about reading some of my more recent posts? I promise they are much better than this one. If you still think that they suck then this is probably what you are looking for. Thanks for increasing my traffic fuckers.

For my first post, I will analyze the quote that I've selected as the title. I know that doesn't seem very interesting, but I will attempt to make it so, because I'm a giver.

Nerd Alert!

I have selected a very misleading title for my first post as it is only 33% accurate (maybe even 25%, but I will get to that later (and by later I mean in a couple of sentences because I am not a strong writer)). Today is Friday, that is a fact, so it checks out. Now this is where I run into problems. I am writing this while at work, strike one. I am a 25 year old male living in an urban area with an active social life; so even if I didn't have I have plans for the evening, I could come up with something pretty easily, strike two.

Now the wild card. Those familiar with this quote know that it begins with "I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today...", which may infer that I enjoy to get high ...or does it?

It all depends on how you define high. If you interpret it as it is presented in the quote then it clearly represents the intended effects of smoking marijuana, case closed (unless you have glaucoma or some terminal illness). Personally, I do not smoke anything, so that would be strike three. However playing devil's advocate, as I love to do so very often, what if high meant something else? I'm not talking about elevation, velocity, forcibly thrusting your hand into that of another person above your heads thus making a loud sound, or even the tide. I'm speaking of a cultural interpretation of the word.

*Notice* This is a very weak argument, but I came up with it a couple hours ago when I started writing this thing, so you're going to have to deal with it, sorry.

-the management

Strike three?

One of my friends is from the Caribbean and uses the term high to describe the effects of being intoxicated by alcohol. Now you are probably thinking, "Hey asshole, you just waisted two minutes of my life to come up with that gem? Fucked up is fucked up whether it be by narcotics or alcohol." Well as management warned you above, the argument became weaker the more I wrote, so piss off. I don't need to finish my point because you can see where I'm heading.

Time to wrap this shit show up. Now why would I pick a quote that is for the most part irrelevant toward my situation? Because I couldn't come up with anything better today and I felt like starting a blog. And I didn't see the news about the pope potentially allowing unbaptized babies to go to heaven until now. What a sweetheart.