Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A conundrum for the ages

Yesterday I received about a dozen or so deliveries at work, which in turn filled my office with large cardboard boxes. That could only lead to one of two things:

1. I turn my office into a kick-ass fort

Who the hell didn't like using a cardboard box as a fort when they were were a kid? Commies, that's who. Well for all us patriots add a decade or two to that time of innocence and greatly multiply the number of boxes you had available and it's seemingly a no-brainer. Unless...

2. I start a breakdance team

Old School son! I'm talking matching Adidas track suits, headbands, shell-toes, etc... I have enough cardboard to be a set dresser for Breakin' 3, all I need is able bodies and a ghetto blaster.

This leads us to the first ever White Boys Can Dance stupid idea dance-off. The rules are simple, there are none. Anything goes.

Office Fort
Oh snap! (strengths)
  • Makes you appear creative and as someone who thinks outside the box.
  • Hides messy areas of the office.
  • Keeps barbarians, Indians indigenous peoples, dragons and the cleaning staff at bay.
Wack Shit (weaknesses)
  • Bosses with no sense of humor.
  • The Fire Marshall.
  • Water and most other liquids.

B-Boy Squad
Oh snap!
  • Wearing fresh gear.
  • Meeting new friends.
  • Breakdancing could be considered an aerobic activity, which promotes a more healthy lifestyle, thereby extending your life.
Wack Shit
  • It's retro chic, so it's popularity could end at any moment.
  • No loitering signage.
  • Breakdancing on gang turf while wearing the wrong colored Adidas gear, which could be considered an insult, thereby shortening your life.
Wow, both of my ideas had crazy rhythm and pulled off some ridiculous moves (did I see a cabbage patch in there?), but I only have so much cardboard (and not to brag, but my office is pretty big). So with great regret, I must say that turning my office into a kick-ass fort got served. It started strong by keeping riffraff out, but it lost points for easily being ruined by the contents of a Nalgene bottle. Starting a breakdance team stayed strong throughout its routine. It had everything: fashion, camaraderie, promoting good health, and was capped off with a hint of danger. It was just too sexy not to pick.

See kids, crime is cool


Tequila Mockingbird said...

yes, in your fort you must be careful of them injuns.

dont forget to wear a mesh shirt... it is requisite of breakdancing.

Colonel Colonel said...

You can also knock the bottom out of each box and then paint them up like NASCAR cars. At lunchtime hold the box around your waist and run down the hallway making "vroom" "vroom" sounds and screaming "SCREEEEEECH!" as you go around corners.

This could end one of two ways- The best is if you find out that some of your office mates are just as whacked as you are, in which case you get them into the rest of the cars and have real races down the hall until someone calls Security.

The second best is that everyone could simply stay far, far away from you all day, which can be cool too if you're trying to get things done, or want to take a nap.

What? Fired? Me? well, yeah, maybe a few times, but the last six definitely weren't my fault.