Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Come fly the really friendly skies

I wrote this post on my Blackberry while flying home from Chicago last Friday night. I had a few drinks in me and have decided to leave it exactly as I wrote it. You probably won't be able to tell the difference between this and my normal writing because I'm either a really good writer when I drink, or a really bad writer when I'm sober. I'd wager on the latter. Enjoy my semi-inebriated train(wreck) of thoughts.

While waiting on the tarmac for takeoff this evening I've realized that I want to be a flight attendant. It seems to be a really easy/low pressure job. Fly your ass around the country/world, hang out with hot chicks (not so much anymore, I think some of the first flight attendants are still on the job), give orders to the passengers or they go to jail, and serve beverages. Shit, you don't even need to mix drinks for the passenger anymore. I ordered a gin and tonic and the guy gave me a cup of tonic water and a nip. I bet the pay sucks and there's the inherent risk of terrorism, but where isn't there an inherent risk of terrorism nowadays? And you probably get a pretty sweet discount.

But there's one small problem, I'm not gay. Of all the flights I've taken this year, none of the male flight attendants have been straight. My appearance is gay enough as it is, this would be one step closer to convincing the unsure that I enjoy meat popsicles. Oh shit, the flight attendant gave me the the drink for free, I would assume that gays have really excellent gaydar. Maybe there's no hope for me yet.


Tequila Mockingbird said...

no better way to fly, than shitfaced. or possibly, fucking a flight attendant in the bathroom.

Anonymous said...

You suck at posting new material...


Sideon said...

Funniest god.damn.thing I've read all day :)

" step closer to convincing the unsure that I enjoy meat popsicles..."