Thursday, August 16, 2007

List-a-majig: Whores

It is very difficult to keep everyone happy while traveling with a large group of people without any set plans. When I was in Las Vegas a couple months ago with 12 friends we all just split up and did whatever we wanted, occasionally running into each other. No fighting whatsoever. Unlike Vegas, during this Baltimore trip everyone stayed with the group pretty much the whole time, which lead to some tension when deciding what to do next, like eating lunch.

After visiting about five places in Inner Harbor that had hour plus long waits, the decision was made to go to Hooters. Why the fuck would I want to go to a gimmicky restaurant when there are plenty of local (non-touristy) places that would probably serve me a better meal for my money? I aired my displeasure at the decision but quickly let it go because everyone was still hungover and in a bad mood due to the hot weather.

Straight up, Hooters sucks. The food is terrible so the only reason to go is to ogle the Hooters girls ...if you're 16 and can't get laid. The last thing that I want to deal with when I'm hungover and hungry is having some waitress trying to flirt with me while positioning her huge rack in my face.

Now with that out of the way, on to the list. I devised a ranking of whorish behaviour while out drinking Friday night after transacting with some particularly sluttily-dressed bartenders, but then had to immediately amend it Saturday during lunch at Hooters. And I know behavior is spelled wrong, I thought the U would give it a little class. Here are my findings (and commentary/reasoning):

Ranking of Whorish Behaviour, established August 10, 2007

1. Substance whore - giving it up for an illicit substance (no joke, this is just sad)

2. Prostitute - giving it up for money (at least they have a job)

3. Stripper - showing it all off for tips (while usually dancing poorly)

4. Slutty bartender - showing most of it for tips (these girls usually show more skin than the female patrons of the establishment)

5. Hooters waitress - highlights it for tips (I realize you have huge boobs, and now that little kid in the highchair you almost knocked out with the twins while trying to get into the picture with the old guy being cheered on by his business associates does too)

1 comment:

Tequila Mockingbird said...

oh man... fuckin' comedy... i actually used to work at hooters during college. can't say i ever knocked any highchairs over. YET! although, there was a sunglasses kiosk i ran into when i first grew them....
tip: do not EVER go to the one in clearwater fla; it's the first hooters ever opened back when moses wore short pants, and they have some of the orginal waitresses working there. big boobs do not age well without surgical intervention..VOMITsifohadgjuaiofju